No prisoners
"Stan Collymore was sat talking about the game but as soon as the issue of Liverpool's defending popped up you could see he was beginning to get visibly agitated" commented a concerned colleague. "Then as he was getting more and more angry, it became obvious he wasn't going to be able to control himself any longer"
Fortune teller
Sadly for the channel 5 punditry team, their worst fears were confirmed as the pressure became to much for Collymore to bear any longer as he preceded to commit a lewd act upon his person while screaming that Rafael Benitez needed to be stopped before it was too late for humanity to undo the damage caused by his persistence with Zonal Marking. He then leapt, displaying feline poise and grace, holding nothing more than his reddened shaft as he thrust his clearly abused helmet towards the camera in an astonishing act of sexual violence and aggression.
Balaclava
Former hot shot winger player Pat Nevin wept tears as he praised his co pundit. "Humanity has not witnessed such an act of bravery entwined with folly since Captain Nolan took the 17th Cavalry to take the Russian Guns in the Crimea. Stan Collymore's iron nerves were an absolute inspiration in the face of the pure evil of Zonal Marking. He's a man who is not afraid to stand up for truth and decency, no matter what the implications of his certain exposure to public contempt and ridicule. He knows he'll get pilloried for this, if not worse; But at least its for a just cause. I genuinely fear for his safety"
