City Chief defends controversial memorial

Under fire Liverpool City Council Chief today defended plans by the council to erect a Two Kilometre Tall statue of Kevin Keegan on vacant land adjacent to Pall Mall and Old Hall Street.

"This city has always been at the forefront of forward thinking that have thrust the city into the limelight of the worldwide media that make it one of the most sought after locations in Orions arm this side of Proxima Centrui. Just look at the success of placing the half lamb half bananas all over the city. I mean, with all the social problems in this city, coupled with the consistantly decreasing population over the last 50 years and complete lack of any sort of jobs market, what better to do with our time and money than piss it all away on some shitey, fibreglass pieces of tat all over the city?"

"Who, just who I ask you has lead this city to the very bottom of the list of councils performance in the UK, turned us into a one star council (out of 5 possible stars and bottom in a table of 434) and was also described as the most corrupt, inefficient and incompetent in an appraisal from the audit commission in 2008?"

"Who has authorised the building of an extra 3000 units of flats in over the next 3 years to meet the sub regional housing targets in the growth point sector of the city centre despite unoccupancy rates of 25% and rising in those already built over the last 5 years?"

"We have also added to the rich architecture of this famous city; which may I add, we have highlighted by allowing the development of a disjointed mish-mash of new identikit architecture and low quality, high rise buildings in gross proximity to. So once where there was a coherent waterfront of unique buildings, you could now be standing literally anywhere in the world looking at the same shoddy buildings that are already showing signs of wear."

"Our tenure in charge here speaks for itself, and we believe the only way to truly hammer home the successes we've had an are intending to build on is by erecting a two Kilometre tall, solid gold statue of the one and only Kevin Keegan, a man who wasn't afraid to give two fingers to those manc twats."

"So do I need to justify what we're doing here? Do I bollocks, looking at our track record, where else in the world could a scheme like this even possibly take of the ground?"