Dreaming of Wedded Bliss

The big question circulating Europes largest coastal bay region on the morning of the 21st was; So what happened to the Groom the previous evening?

Turns out the Groom had text Dee and E saying he couldnt make it into town to meet everyone as a big fight had broken out at the world famous professional football club.

However, this could have been a ruse to disguise several potential outcomes and perceived scenarios listed below:-

A. He is a sorry cunt, and it was simply a pathetic excuse to shun those who had travelled furthest as he simply couldnt be arsed to make it into town.

B. His soon to be mother in law had a broken bottle at his throat and doc martins on his knackers at the time screaming "you're ours now you pathetic fuck, you have no other friends if we deem it so. Make an excuse, you are not fucking going anywhere you cunt"

C. There actually was a fight that broke out between rival factions of the lower order hominids that were invited to the event, that enlisted the Grooms specific negotiating skills, honed while he was studying ape behavioural characteristics in Madagascar.

It could be any of the three in all honesty, although im finding it hard to believe that a fight could have broken out between members of such an understanding and communicative family in all honesty. Ive asked the Groom a few times, but on each occasion he has simply clammed up and not said a word, while in the background i can hear an impending cacophony of loud heavy breathing and pounding footsteps getting closer and closer, as he makes a timid whining noise and hangs up.