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A delivery system of incomprehensible destructive force
Cockle away pickers
Is football the most important thing in the entire universe?
EXCLUSIVE Football Update!!!
"but the question on all our minds Paul Merson, is can Tommy Smith score goals in the premiership?"
"No"
"No"
Number Crunching
Professor Reinhard Genzel of the Max Planck Institute for Extraterrestrial Physics on calculating the movement of stars at the centre of the Galaxy
"So, we have a day, then take a week...then the speed of light...hang on, Wow, thats a hundred and eighty billion kilometres. Let me check this, ... I cant deal with that number"
"So, we have a day, then take a week...then the speed of light...hang on, Wow, thats a hundred and eighty billion kilometres. Let me check this, ... I cant deal with that number"
News as it happens, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a yea.......
"I had a dream that ian dowie and sam allardyce were having a screaming match on sky sports news. They labeled it 'THE BIGGEST THING TO HAPPEN... EVER' " (A, Gornall. London Village)
Archive
All the HUGE football scoops exclusively live, here first!
"I'm stood outside a supermarket in Gatley, Manchester, and the crowds are going wild, I'll just ask one bystander what all the commotion is about, I'm reliably informed that you, the watchers at home will NOT be disappointed!"
*fights through screaming hoards to interview one hyperventilating fan*
"Hello you're exclusively live on football football football football 24 live first, can you tell us whats going on here?"
"FUCKIN LEE DIXON JUST WENT IN AN BROUGHT A FUCKIN LOAF OF FUCKIN BREAD!!! WE CANNOT FUCKIN BELIEVE IT, HERE.....LEE DIXON..... BUYING BREAD.....IN GATLEY.....LEE FUCKIN DIXON!!!!"
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