Civil unrest spreads to suburbs

Police were on full alert over the weekend after disturbances in the Hothersall district of Longridge.

Police were first alerted to anti social goings on by the headmistress of Hillside residential school. “We started being bombarded by golf balls around midday, from the adjacent farm. Three young men were drinking heavily, swearing and generally behaving appallingly. It’s only through good fortune that no serious damage was done and that none of our children were hurt.”

Police attended the scene at 1 pm but could not locate the perpetrators at that time. However that was far from the end of the matter, as by 3pm the instability in the area had proliferated as far as the corporation arms on Ribchester road. Police were yet again called in, this time by the assistant manager.

“These three lads were buggering about outside in the beer garden, acting like kids, and when we asked them to calm down they just became completely unreasonable. It was quite unacceptable really, all they kept banging on about was some kind of golf ball bucket competition”.

However yet again by the time Hothersall police department responded the assailants had fled the scene.

A spate of telephone calls were recorded over the next 4 hours from anxious residents as a series of anti social events unfolded throughout Longridge. Detective Helliwell of Longridge CID who was working that day was called into action early as it was soon realized they were dealing with a crisis situation.

“Our disaster management preparedness team sprung into action as soon as we realized what was going on, and reinforcement units from Preston and a specialist firearms unit from Manchester were called in immediately; we don’t take any chances in this part of the world. From the calls that we were receiving there was a trail of destruction leading to and from Hothersall, so that’s were we instructed the Airborne units to concentrate their search”

This did nothing to arrest the shear weight of calls, as the Police switchboard was flooded throughout the night and into the small hours of the morning, with numerous sightings of a 4 door black sports car being driven recklessly with an air rifle pointing out of the passenger window.

Despite the highest concentration of police units in the area since the Ribchester field day donkey water bomb attack, Longridge Constabulary failed to make any arrests and have attributed the unrest to an ‘Unlicensed sporting event’ in the area.